The Sandwich Generation: How to Manage Caring for Children and Aging Parents at the Same Time
If you provide care for elderly parents while also raising children, welcome to the “Sandwich Generation". You’re part of a growing group of Canadians trying to juggle it all...and that "all" is a lot.
Thanks to longer life expectancies and people having children later in life, we’re seeing more and more adult children caught in the middle. In fact, nearly 1.8 million Canadians are “sandwiched” between caring for both their children and care-dependent adults at the same time (and the Pew Research Center gives a full profile of sandwich generation caregivers). That’s a lot of middle-aged parents navigating a lot of pressure.
In this blog, we’re going to look at the unique challenges of being in the Sandwich Generation and offer a few ways to lighten the load. No magic wands or one-size-fits-all solutions. Just some honest, practical advice that might help things feel a little more manageable.
And remember: not all of these tips will be possible for everyone. You might not have family nearby. Your workplace may not offer flexibility. Just take a deep breath and do what you can. That’s enough.
Being Part of the Sandwich Generation Means Trying to Balance It All
You’re trying to manage school drop-offs and doctor's appointments. Maybe you’re coordinating care plans, juggling work meetings, staying on top of groceries...and still trying to find five minutes to drink your coffee while it’s hot and have some semblance of a personal life.
It’s no wonder it feels like too much...because it is.
Here are a few strategies that can help ease the burden:
Get Organized: A structured weekly plan can help you stay one step ahead. Try a shared calendar or family command centre to keep everyone aligned and avoid last-minute scrambles.
Delegate When You Can: If you have siblings, extended family, or even trusted neighbours, share the responsibilities. It doesn’t have to all fall on you.
Outsource the Mental Load: It’s not just about time, it’s about energy. Services like grocery delivery, meal planning apps, or hiring occasional help (even if just once a month) can free up space so you’re not running on empty.
The Emotional and Mental Health Challenges of Caring For Your Parents and Children At The Same Time
All of this isn't just a strain on your calendar - it's also hard emotionally. It is heartbreaking to realize that you've become the parent to your parent. The support you've counted on from your parents isn't the same anymore, and it's hard to process this transition.
This is how it might show up for you: you find yourself feeling irritated or short-tempered, then immediately overwhelmed with guilt. You know it’s not your parents’ fault. The emotions can pile up quickly: frustration, sadness, resentment, guilt… and then the shame for feeling any of that in the first place.
If that sounds familiar, you're not a bad person. You're human. And caregiver burnout is real.
I'm not a mental health expert, but I have seen (both for myself and others in my circle) that these things have helped:
Prioritize Self-Care: Even small pockets of time—five minutes with your coffee alone, a podcast you love, or a short walk—can do a lot.
Mental Health Support: Therapy, counselling, or even a support group can offer a safe space to process what you’re going through.
Set Realistic Expectations: Repeat after me - I am not superhuman. Remind yourself (often) that you're allowed to be tired, frustrated and imperfect. I know it’s easier said than done, but these feelings don't make you unloving. I promise.
Exploring Financial Support as the Family Caregiver
The financial toll of unpaid caregiving can be just as heavy as the emotional one. Whether it's time off work, medical expenses, or other costs, the expenses add up quickly.
Here's what can help:
Plan Ahead: Prepare a financial plan to handle short- and long-term needs.
Explore Financial Assistance: There are government programs and community services that can help with elder care, child care, and caregiver relief. Take the time to explore what’s available in your area.
Build a cushion: Create an emergency savings fund, even a small one, for peace of mind when the unexpected inevitably happens.
Consider Other Options: Explore what kind of leave your work will allow, or if flexible working hours are an option. In Ontario, you may be eligible for Compassionate Care Leave under the Employment Standards Act. Here’s more info if you’re curious.
How to Manage Being a Sandwich Generation Caregiver: Open Communication and Preparing for the (Un)Expected
There's a reason all those cliches exist... Forewarned is forearmed. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It's because they're true.
At this stage of life, having hard conversations and setting up systems in advance will save you time, energy, and heartache later.
What can help:
Talk It Out: Open conversations with your family can help clarify roles and expectations. No one can read minds—communication matters.
Build Your Support System: Don’t wait for a breaking point to ask for help. Look for ways to build a circle of support, whether through friends, family, or professionals.
Advance Care Planning: One of the most helpful tools in your caregiving toolkit. Talking through and documenting your parents’ healthcare wishes (and your own) can prevent confusion and conflict down the line.
If you’re looking for a place to begin, I’ve put together The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide—a free resource to help you feel more prepared, supported, and a little less overwhelmed.
And remind yourself, as often as needed: you’re doing the best you can.
That’s more than enough.
